Why do couples fight about money?

Published in El Pais, July 27th, 2019.

Problems with money is one of one of the main causes why couples fight, and the second cause of divorce. When a person lives alone, the economy is simple, if one spends too much nobody else is affected. It is your income and your expenditures and if you were too dumb to spend on that great new expensive video game, or the expensive pair of shoes causing you to live on water an bread the last week of the month, it was only yourself you can give a kick in the butt. The situation changes completely when you get married or when living together with your true love. It is no longer you who will give you a kick on the butt.

The following three things play an important role: income, spending habits, and long-term goals. It is very likely that these are not the same for you and your partner. One would say that income cannot be a cause of a fight, but the truth is otherwise. It is very normal that one makes more than the other. However, fights turn more intensive if one of the two has just a macho attitude or compare that one does not earn money and must submit to the decisions of the other without consensus.

According to NIBUD (the institute for budget awareness) in the Netherlands, 52% of the money fights are about the spending habits of the partner. Spouses are often annoyed by expensive expenditures on useless objects. Little inexpensive expenditures might be bearable, but what if it gets out of control and your partners’ innocent hobby turns into a real money pit?

We all have our dreams and goals. One dreams of going on this long far away vacation, while the other dreams to finally be released of living in a rental house. Even if you get a bank loan, you still need a part of your own to buy the house. Saving money is the trigger to have disagreements, since it means to reduce expenditures.

It would be sad to see that lovingfull marriages fail just because of the problems mentioned above. An important thing to avoid this is to talk about it. Maybe the person just doesn’t notice their hobby is so expensive or find out about her/his dreams in life. If spouses do not talk about problems, for sure this will get out of control one day and the damage to the relation will be too big to fix. Therefore, break the taboo and talk with your spouse about money.